To my dear Wife,

During the last year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every 10 days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

1. We will wake the children 17 times

2. It’s too late 25 times

3. I’m too tired 5 times

4. It’s too early 52 times

5. It’s too hot 15 times

6. Pretending to be asleep 49 times

7. Window open, the neighbours will hear 19 times

8. Backache 3 times

9. Headache 36 times

10. Sunburnt 10 times

11. Your mother will hear us 8 times

12. Not in the mood 21 times

13. Wake the baby 17 times

14. Watching the late TV show 17 times

15. Too sore 9 times

16. New hairdo 4 times

17. Wrong time of the month 9 times

18. You had to go to the toilet 13 times

During the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory because, 6 times you just lay there, 8 times you reminded me there was a crack on the ceiling, 14 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I had finished and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I thought I felt you move.