The Times

Read by the people who run the country.

Read by the people who think they run the country.

Read by the people who think they ought to run the country.

Morning Star

Read by the people who think the country ought to be run by another country.

Daily Mail

Read by the wives of the people who run the country.

Read by the people who own the country.

Read by the people who think the country ought to be run as it used to be run.

Daily Telegraph

Read by the people who think it is.

The Sun

Read by the people who don't care who runs the county providing she's got big tits.