1. What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man’s undivided attention.
2. What is the difference between a man and a yoghurt?
A yoghurt has culture.
3. Why is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don’t know when he is coming, how many inches you will get or how long he will stay.
4. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don’t know, it never happens.
5. What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.
6. Husband: "Why do you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it?"
Wife: "You wear underpants, don’t you."
7. What do parking spaces and men have in common?
All the good ones are taken.
8. What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
9. What is a man’s idea of foreplay?
About an hour of begging.
10. How to save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
11. What do men and floor tiles have in common?
If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them forever.
12. What do toilets, anniversaries and clitoris have in common?
Men miss them all.
13. What’s the difference between a Porcupine and a Porche?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
14. Why did the man walk around with his flies open?
In case he needed to count to eleven.
15. Why don’t men have to use toilet paper?
Because God made them perfect assholes.
16. What is the thinnest book in the World?
What men know about women.
17. Why are men like laxatives?
They irritate the shit out of you.
18. Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can’t buy a round of drinks.
19. Husband: "Do you want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what."
20. What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 5?
Gifted
21. How can you tell if a man is dead?
He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
22. What is a man’s idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
23. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
If he is breathing
24. Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
Wife: "That’s a good idea, you stand by the ironing board and I’ll sit on the sofa and fart".
25. What happened to the two men who jump out of a plane without parachute?
Who cares?
26. How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
27. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.
28. One final thought
Why did God give men a brain and a penis and not enough blood supply to run them both at the same time?